10. We don’t have to kill our own spiders. I'm afraid of spiders … actually all bugs. As a conservative woman, I don’t have to pretend not to be. I can scream and even cry when I see one, and the nearest male will take care of the extermination process. They’ll even dispose of the mangled body. What can be bad about that?
9. We get to wear bras. Bras are good … they lend a little enhancement and keep things from flopping around. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise – flopping is ugly. And all breasts flop a little, unless they’re surgically enhanced.
8. We’re not offended when a man opens the door for us. We appreciate the sign of respect. Unfortunately, liberal women who are perfectly-capable-of opening-a door-for-myself-get-away-from-me-you-chauvinist-pig! have created a generation of men terrified to offer this courtesy, on the grounds he might be beaten to a bloody pulp with a Birkenstock.
7. We shave. I really don’t think I have to go any further with this.
6. We like our men to be men. Men are great exactly as they are. They should avoid getting in touch with their feminine side … that’s our territory. I don’t want a man borrowing my skin care products, and the mascara is totally taboo. Go fix cars and watch sports. We like that about you.
5. We don’t have to make excuses for our maternal instincts. Women are caretakers by nature. Even if we don’t have children, we take care of men, friends, co-workers, animals, plants and anything we see out of place in the world. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to care for others … so let’s indulge in it!
4. Our children have fathers. We understand children need fathers. Not only are we more inclined to actually marry those fathers, but we also realize that finding a sperm donor because your biological clock is ticking is selfish and arrogant. Get a dog if you don’t want a man around.
3. Our children are less likely to grow up to be serial killers. We know what being a parent means … that sometimes a good old fashioned spanking is called for. We know its our job to keep the ankle biters from growing up to be annoying, whiney liberals. We’re more likely to stay home with our children to raise them. Oh, and it doesn’t take a village … it takes a mom and dad.
2. We have power. It’s called hormones, and we’re not afraid to use them. Ask any man who’s ever had children, and he’ll tell you the most frightening scenario he can face is a 9½ month pregnant woman in a conflagration of hormones. So why deny what makes us feminine and powerful?
1. There’s a 3 to 1 ratio of conservative men to women. Nice odds for us! Of course, our liberal sisters claim this is because conservatives are a “white man’s clique”. Nonsense. They love having us around. The problem lies with all the women who grew up on lurid feminism and believe that you have to BE a man. And it’s a hard lesson to shake … it took me many years myself. But the undeniable truth is that men and women are different, and that’s a wonderful thing. Let’s not waste our time trying to be men; let’s enjoy being women and respect ourselves for it ... men already do.
I am woman! Hear me scream about the cockroach!
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