What I'd miss about libs

When you get right down to it, I really don’t want liberals to go away. I’d prefer they stick to saving whales and leave running the government to the more enlightened (i.e. conservatives), but frankly the world would be a very boring place without them. I’d miss a lot of things. 

I’d miss their ugly women. I’m no beauty, but next to the likes of Hillary Clinton, Helen Thomas, Janet Reno and Nancy Pelosi, I feel like a super model.

I’d miss screaming at the TV whenever I see CNN or Meet The Press. Watching libs spew their knee-jerk-politically-correct-everyone­-just-needs-a-hug nonsense is more amusing than the Three Stooges – although the Stooges have a slightly higher intelligence factor. (And yes, I’m one of the six women in the world who find the Stooges amusing).

I’d miss busting a gut over the PETA-types who get eaten by the loveable but misunderstood species they’ve sworn to live with and protect, and the nature lovers who fall out of the tree they’re trying to save from the evil bulldozer.

I’d miss Air America. What can be funnier than the left’s weak attempt to emulate Rush Limbaugh, created by a man whose greatest claim to fame is being anally molested by a gorilla in "Trading Places"?

I'd miss trying to figure out why Christian religious symbols are offensive but we need to be more understanding of the Muslim terrorists who murdered 3,000 Americans.

I’d miss their anti-war rallies. If you ever want to see the country’s largest gathering of unwashed, jobless anarchists, check out a peace rally. I’d like to see these folks put as much effort into finding a job as they do desecrating the flag – we could wipe out unemployment.

I’d miss political correctness, because it gives me the excuse to be as un-politically correct as I possibly can be.

I’d miss confusing them with logic … like asking them why it’s okay to kill a baby but not the guy who murdered all his co-workers because he was having a bad day. Its fun to see them gape like goldfish.

I’d miss the look of horror in their eyes when someone explains joining the military might actually involve going to war, not just a free college education.

I’d miss words like “affirmative action”, “undocumented alien”, “racial profiling” and “non gender specific”. They make me giggle. A whole new vocabulary was created so the Dems could pretend they’re trying to treat everyone equally, when really they’re creating wider gaps.

I think most of all I’d miss writing about them … I mean, what would I blog if we didn’t have libs?